Not Today
by TwistedSky
Summary: Alex reflects upon Nikita and Michael's relationship. Set post-1x06.


Set post-1x06. I disclaim. This just popped into my head randomly.

XXXXX

Alex wondered what Nikita hadn't told her.

There was obviously something missing in all of this—the way Percy had referred to how the only time he'd never trusted Michael involved Nikita made her suspicious.

Alex trusted Nikita as completely as she could trust anyone. She didn't question everything about her, she didn't assume that Nikita had lied to her or misled her. After all, Alex accepted that Nikita had her scars and had the right to not show them all.

The look on Michael's face when he'd told her that he couldn't lose her too though . . . it made her wonder if maybe Nikita weren't the only one with secrets.

She'd wondered the entire trip back to Division what he'd meant. She wondered, more accurately, _who_ he meant.

After she'd heard Percy mention Nikita though, it had all clicked into place.

Nikita may have still been grieving over her lost fiancé, but there was something between her and Michael—or at least there had been.

Curious, Alex decided to bide her time until an opportunity arose to get answers.

Michael walked in one day to her room to discuss something. She let him blather on, and then she attacked during a lull.

"The other day . . . I know I was harsh on you."

"I understand Alex, you thought I was offering you up to be killed—that I'd betrayed your trust. It's not surprising that you'd be upset."

Alex nodded. "Yeah. I was wondering though about what Percy said . . . was Nikita your wife?" Obviously she knew she wasn't—but she wanted to know what Michael would say about Nikita.

Michael sighed as if he weren't sure what to say. "No, she was a recruit. Percy has always misunderstood Nikita—Percy has never had any reason to doubt me."

Alex cocked her head to the side. "He seemed pretty sure that I'm another Nikita."

"I just want to protect you." He said simply. Alex waited, expecting him to continue. He didn't. She held in a sigh.

"You mentioned back at the gas station that you couldn't lose me too—did you lose Nikita?" Alex was surprised that Michael hadn't told her to stop—that her questions were too personal or something.

He hesitated. "It's complicated."

Alex realized that she wasn't going to get anything else out of him. "Did you love her?" Alex asked.

Michael hesitated. "No." He didn't seem sure of himself. "Goodnight, Alex."

Alex waited until Michael left before she smiled. Michael was right—he hadn't been in love with Nikita. He still was. It was all over his face, it was in his voice—it was undeniable.

XXXX

She had to think quickly—she'd just been found out. They knew. They knew that she was working with Nikita and she'd had the bad luck to get stuck in Division when it happened.

She was sneaking through the halls trying to avoid capture. She needed to escape. If she didn't . . . she'd be dead. But only after an incredibly painful torture session, most likely.

As she made her way around a hallway she came face-to-face with Michael. Her face dropped and she wondered if he'd attack her or call to indicate that she was there.

He spoke, "This vent leads straight to the basement, from there you'll find a window that has a trick latch. Don't break it or an alarm will go off."

"Thank you," she'd whispered.

"Good luck."

XXXX

When Alex told Nikita that Michael had saved her life she saw a soft smile curve her lips. Alex wanted to smile in response, but she chose not to.

"He did it because of you, didn't he?"

Nikita turned quickly to Alex. "No. He did it because that's who he is, he protects recruits."

"I'm not a recruit anymore."

"You still matter to him, he thinks this is his fault." Nikita responded simply. "That's all that matters. If you come face-to-face again I advise you to be careful."

"I think I remind him of you."

Nikita just stared at her, barely concealing her shock. "I don't—"

"Don't lie to me Nikita."

Nikita sighed. "I was different. Michael and I became very . . . close. We were friends."

Liar. Alex didn't say it because she knew Nikita would go on the defensive, but she thought it. And she was right, she believed firmly. Nikita knew better than that.

"What happened?" Alex asked curiously.

"I left Division and he stayed." Nikita said, simplifying everything into those few words. It was so much more than that, but that was what it boiled down to.

"Have you seen him since?" Alex prayed that Nikita would be honest with her.

Nikita didn't hesitate, "Yes."

"And?"

"We've fought, he's threatened to kill me."

"But he hasn't. In fact—when that guy almost . . . on my first mission you saved him."

"I did."

"Did you love him?" Alex asked bluntly.

Nikita sighed and glanced around before speaking. "I loved Daniel."

"So what? You could have loved Michael too."

Nikita sighed, looked down at her clasped hands. "There's always been something there, Alex. I can't put a name to it."

Alex realized what Nikita meant. If she put a name to it it would just be even more tragic. Nothing could change, no matter how Nikita or Michael felt.

Alex wished there was something she could do. "What if—"

"Alex," Nikita interrupted gently. "There are no what-ifs. It's over."

_It was never over._

XXXX

Michael owed Percy in a way that made him feel as if he could never repay him, except with his loyalty.

However, on occasion-when it came to Nikita especially-he wasn't always the most loyal of Division employees.

He'd let Nikita go more often than he'd admit even to himself. He'd saved Nikita when he should have let her die. He could tell himself he'd done it because he owed her, that he was just repaying her for saving him, but it would have been a lie.

Michael didn't mind lies. He pretended it didn't matter. He pretended to himself, and everyone else.

Nikita had always tripped him up. She made him feel more than he should have felt for anyone else. She made him want _more_. More than just Division, more than the life that had been dealt to him.

She'd been amazing-and there were times he'd fancied himself in love with her. But then she'd gone and fallen in love with Daniel, and there was nothing to be done about that.

He hadn't known that Daniel would die. He told himself he would have let things happen the way the had if he had known-but he wouldn't have been able to.

Michael would have stopped it, if only to fix everything. He would have spared her the pain of losing Daniel. If he could undo Daniel's death then Nikita would still be with Division, everything would be fine.

If Daniel hadn't died, then maybe Michael wouldn't have lost Nikita.

For that . . . Michael would have done almost anything.

He didn't like to admit it to himself, but he'd had feelings for Nikita practically from the beginning.

He had been her protector, her friend.

He loved her. There just wasn't anything he could do about it.

XXXX

Nikita had a connection to Michael that could not be described with mere words.

It wasn't quite love. It wasn't quite friendship. It wasn't just an "understanding."

There was a bond-a tense, powerful, consuming sort of connection.

She still missed Daniel desperately, but it was a different sort of feeling.

There were times when Nikita knew she had taken advantage of Michael's feelings for her.

There were times when Nikita admitted the truth-that Daniel had been an escape. But Michael was _it_.

Alex had been right.

Nikita was in love with Michael. And it was an angsty, heart-shattering sort of love-the kind that could never work out.

So they loved from afar, doing everything possible to make the love wither and die. It never worked.

They loved, but it simply didn't matter.

XXXX

"Alex-" Nikita called out. They were in the midst of trying to ruin a division mission-Nikita watched as Alex spun around and knocked out the guy behind her with a swift hit to the head.

Nikita made her way over to Alex. They were in the clear now.

"Time to make our way out?" Nikita nodded in answer to Alex's question.

They turned around a corner and came face-to-face with Michael.

He was holding out his gun, and it was pointed directly at Nikita. Alex's head bobbed back and forth between them, wondering who would break first.

"Alex, leave." Nikita said calmly. Alex looked at Michael who gave her a barely perceptible nod. She didn't want to leave. "Alex." Nikita commanded.

Alex took one last look at the two of them and ran off.

Michael wouldn't hurt Nikita.

"We've been here before. Me and you, you with the gun, me with my hands in the air. It always ends the same way."

"You escape, I end up with a broken arm. Yeah, I know." Michael replied.

"You can either kill me or you can't." Nikita said simply.

"One day-"

"One day one of us will die and this will be over. But you're not going to kill me, at least not today."

Michael sighed. "One day I might. It could be today."

Nikita's lips curved in a soft, sad smile. "Maybe."

"I can't just let you leave."

"You could always come with me."

"You know I can't do that, Nikita."

"I know."

They were both silent for a moment, they stood completely still.

Finally, Michael said what he really wanted to say. "You did a good job with Alex. You trained her so that she'd hit me at all of my weak points, just like you did." He was hurt that she'd do something like that, but he understood. Almost.

Nikita shook her head. "I didn't train her to do that. She's just a lot more like me than I thought."

"She's not though. There's only one Nikita."

Nikita smiled, "True." At that she kicked the gun out of his hand and slammed him against the wall.

Their faces were inches away from each other. Michael fought back, slamming her onto the ground, landing on top on her.

"One day this is going to have to end." Michael said.

"I know." At that she grabbed his hand and somehow twisted him over, pulling handcuffs out of thin air and quickly cuffing him to a random bar.

"Where did you even hide those things?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Nikita stood up and stepped away to look at him.

"You should probably go."

Nikita leaned down, grabbed Michael's hand and squeezed it. She stayed, holding his hand.

Waiting.

Finally he squeezed back. "Go."

Nikita smiled. "Until we meet again."

And they would-because they were trapped in this never-ending cycle. They loved, they denied, they saved each other-and eventually it would have to end.

But not today.

* * *

Thoughts?


End file.
